


“Off the records, you’re pretty perfect to me.”

by California_ThereIsNoEndToLove



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Broke!Derek, Broke!Stiles, DrugAddict!Derek, Fluff, M/M, Miscommunication, Nogitsune Stiles, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Drug Addiction, Quite canon, Suicide Attempt, Wolf Derek, after canon, after season 4, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:19:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3491513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/California_ThereIsNoEndToLove/pseuds/California_ThereIsNoEndToLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek thought he could avenge Laura, and then, let it go: no more lies, no more words, no more Derek. It was his plan. It was what seemed to be a good plan. But every good plan has its limits, and Derek’s limit will have a name, but at this moment he still did not know it: Stiles Stilinski.</p>
            </blockquote>





	“Off the records, you’re pretty perfect to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Hello! (◕‿◕✿) 
> 
> This story has been co-written by my Sis and I. English isn't our birth language, so we're sorry if errors remain.  
> We hope you'll like it anyway!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Someone was knocking on the glass of Stiles’ window, but everything was cold and wet out of his blanket, and he was too lazy to get out of his bed to open it.

It might be Scott... but those times, he was clearly occupied by his puppy and his guilt. Liam tried his best to give him solace him but the Alpha was not receptive, as always. It is not that easy to forget your first time as a possessed man, you know? Too bad for the curly brown haired, he is a nice guy but he’ll never get his chance with Scott.

It could be Malia... but Stiles really had serious doubts. They were not together anymore but tried to remain friends. He also knows that she is certainly cuddling with Kira. Those two were always cuddling recently... They reminded him of Boyd and Erica... He missed them even if Boyd was taciturn and Erica… well she was Erica. At least Kira and Malia found themselves: one has been rejected and the other **kind of** dumped him and found someone to hear her anger against her father and every male on the planet.

It could be Lydia... but she always used the door. She totally could climb the wall with her heels but she prefers to use the door. And she never knocks. Nah. She is not the kind of girl who needs to knock. Stiles knew that they will never date or whatever but they were like the siblings they never had.

It could be… Nah... He told him he was patrolling tonight. Stiles asked if he could help but you know the guy, don’t you? And he never comes when his dad is home. And more important, they did not really talked since what happened last month after he and Braeden left Mexico.

“Don’t forget to sleep, Kiddo.” John said, knocking on the door.

“Gosh. I’m so tired but I really need to finish this.” Stiles said. “I’m trying to do a bestiary based on the old one and the discoveries we made through our deadly adventures.”

“I know it’s important for the pack but you going to College is more important to me.”

Everything here was a piece of Stiles’ life, and the most important one was flirting with the gunslinger girl. He seriously should be happy for him, Derek totally deserves his happy ending, but he couldn’t. He could not be delighted for him because he was not having his happily ever after with him.

You know what it is, right? You know you have feelings for someone who never looked at you, as you do to him. You were his rock, you were his anchor, you supported him and each time, you just suffer more and more.

Since Kate did whatever she did to him, it's different between the man and the wolf. They used to look after each other and have this weird dynamic… Now it is just gone.

\---₪---

“Shouldn’t you be patrolling or something?” Lydia asked before enter in her dressing room.

Derek’s eyes flashed.

“Stop flashing at me, Derek Hale. I’m not impressed.” She shouted, without looking at him. “Tell me exactly what happened when badass-armed-girl dumped you.”

“She did not dump me.” Said Derek “She just left.”

“Skip to Stiles’ chapter, Darling.”

Derek was in a deep thought. He was remembering Laura. Lydia and her are _so_ similar: misunderstood geniuses, tactless and self-confident. Lydia and him now are closer that what they could have imagined when they actually met. This “friendship” started with books, then shared coffees, and finally ended up with “I-told-you-so” discussions.

If Kate had not burned his family and if Peter had not murdered his sister to take his revenge, Derek would not have met Lydia, found Cora, or met Stiles. Peter and Kate were in a way the ones who made all of this possible. Derek immediately saw _the_ question and _the_ answer flashing in his brain.

“And how did you two met?”

“My ex-girlfriend burned alive my family and my uncle who survived, murdered my sister in order to take his revenge. In fact he kind of tried to kill all of us.”

“Best anecdote ever, right?” Stiles’ sarcasm was totally rubbing on Derek.

Laura was dead but the werewolf hoped she still was keeping an eye on him even with the way he treated her.

\---[flashback]---

_“Laura, this is nothing. Stop over thinking, overanalysing or overreacting when something shows up.”_

_“Derek, we’re the last ones still standing up of the Hale’s Pack. Some other packs could take revenge on the hunters for us, you know how much mom and granny had more scaring friends than betas, and I don’t want them to. Our territory should not be a war zone now, too much blood had been spilled... Too much of our blood.”_

_Laura had a leading soul, she always had. Back in school, she was captain of the cheerleading team, chief redactor of the Beacon Hills High Journal and Class President._ _Frowning, Laura looked around her. Derek’s apartment was a mess. There were syringes on the floor, little bags of a purple dust and some empty bottles of wolfbane-laced absinthe._

_“I know that you’re fucked up, but please stop to use aconite to_ feel _something.”_

_“Fuck off Laura. Leave me alone. I’m perfectly fine by myself. You should not stay with me, something could occur to you”_

_“Packs don’t let their members down, Derek. And family even more.”_

_“Since when are we a family? We’re nothing. We have nothing left. We are nothing to each other anymore. You perfectly made me understand what you thought about my responsibility in the fire.”_

_Laura’s eyes glowed red. She growled and slapped Derek’s face with anger. “I won’t let you do this to me. You’re fucked up, fine. But don’t try to make me responsible for your drug addiction. At that time I lashed at you that because I was hurt, because I was alone, because I felt everything I used to know just disappeared. Since I tried to...”_

_“Don’t even dare to apologize again, because I know how sorry-not-so-sorry you are for the ‘young and naïve Derek that made our entire family die’.” Derek snapped at her._

_Laura stopped fighting with her brother, broken by his words. It was not the first time that they had this argument... Even if she say the contrary, she was responsible of the mess he was... “Off the records, I am. We’ll discuss that when I come back, as a pack. As a family.” She told him, before leaving Derek’s home._

 

\---[ end of flashback]---

Lydia finally got out of her closet fully dressed, perfectly, as always.

"Your tea won't warm up by itself because you're staring at it, Darling." Lydia said, getting the werewolf out of his thoughts.

Derek growled to the term of endearment but not in a menacing way more the kind of growl you make when someone take the last cookie in the jar. Lydia was the only one who won this privilege and she was using it readily. She was looking into her mirror putting her trademark lipstick on when she finally asked “So, she _left_ you. Why?”

Derek looked at her with those green-eyes to which you cannot say no. A second after, she was sitting on the bed next to the wolf.

“I didn’t say she _left_ _me_ , I said she just _left_.”

“Enormous difference there, Darling.” And before Derek could say something, she added with a smirk “Lydia Martin, sarcastic? Never.”

“Sounds like Stiles. You’re absolutely not helping.” Growled the man. “She just left.”

“Something happened. Did you...”

Derek looked at her with a blank face. “Why would it be my fault?”

“I’m not telling that, darling, I’m just saying that somehow you pushed her to the exit. Consciously or not.”

“Sometimes, I just feel I fucked up every good thing that happened to me.” The wolf said. “Even with Stiles, I fucked up everything.”

“Tell me. Let it out of your conceded heart. You know that I won’t judge” said the strawberry-blond girl, putting her hand on Derek’s shoulder.

“You know... Since we first came back from Mexico, when I did not remember anything, it changed with Stiles. He lost the trust he had in me, and I can’t blame him. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I could have killed him when I wasn’t myself.”

“So, not hurting him mean let him think that you totally don’t care about him anymore? So less hurtful that is! Go to him, Darling. He won't eat you. He could try, but, Derek, you're a werewolf." She said, a dirty smile on her lips. 

Derek stayed silent a moment, pensive and finally asked her where she was going, he could give her a drive. "Stop procrastinating. Go to him!" She said, cutting him off. "I'm heading at Jordan's and I really want to _try_ the SUV I got for my eighteenth birthday. See you, Darling." 

She left him in her room and Derek did not ask what she meant by _trying_ her SUV, afraid of what she could answer him.

\---₪--- 

One time is not a habit but California was cold tonight. Derek was not sensible to it but he felt the cold ground under his pawns and the ice biting his black fur. Being able to shift into a complete wolf was something he never dreamed of. It was like a reborn for him. He knew it existed but thought only the powerful changelings had this capacity. His mom used to tell Laura how she felt when she was totally shifted and that as her heir she would be able to do it and to feel the gruesome freedom she felt when a wolf. But Laura never succeeded. And he knows she could have, if he had helped to her when the pictures of revenge were sent to her.

Again, he thought that Laura was so right on everything. He just needed some help: rehab, anchor, and pack. Well done Derek, the only thing you maintained was your sobriety. You deserve a cookie. Yeay. 

\---[flashback]---

_Derek looked at the other people in the room: they were nodding, understanding what he lived. It took him more than eight week to even say his name, and three others to explain his story._

_“Hello. My name is Derek and I used to drug myself.”_

_“Hello Derek. We’re all here to hear your story.” A woman said._

_“I started with infinitesimal doses. Not regularly. I just wanted to, you know, feel something. At the beginning, it was innocent. At least, I felt it innocent. I started to feel things again, I wasn’t alone anymore.”_

_“My family died, some years ago. They burnt in a fire that let my sister and I, orphans. We were still teenagers, forced to grow up, but we were alone. I felt guilty for what happened. In either way I was responsible of the fire.” Derek took a breath and sunk his claws into his fists. “I started with tiny doses. When those doses were no more enough, I started with bigger and bigger doses, mixing it with alcohol._

\---[ end of flashback]---

Lost in his thoughts, he found himself in front of Stiles’ house. The remnants of his conversation with Lydia in his head he decided to go to see Stiles even if it was late. Derek could easily sneak up to his bedroom but Stiles always freaks out when the werewolf enter in without his permission. Generally, he waits that the teenager is asleep. He try to convince himself that it is the things to do. He is not a stalker. He knows that the human is having sleeping troubles. He just takes care of him. Tonight, his father is still here. He is not scared, ok? But the threat of being shot by the sheriff isn't absolutely thrilling him.

\---₪---

 

[TEXT MESSAGE FROM: Sourwolf] 9:46PM

Are you please gonna let me in?

 

Stiles suddenly gets out of his bed and rush to the window to open to _his_ Sourwolf. 

"Hi you."

"Uh. Oh. Hey Big Guy. What are you doing here?"

"I came here to talk to you" Derek said, dryly and shifted again in his beta wolf form. “Kind of need your help.”

An awkward silence just crashed into Stiles’ bedroom. On one hand, we have Stiles, wrapped into his huge fluffy blanket, and on the other hand, we have Derek all soft fur and claws curled up on the carpet.

“What do you want?” Stiles asked again.

“I told you, need your help.” Growled Derek pissed off.

“If you came to growl on me, _wolf_ , don’t stay. I’m not your punching-ball anymore.”

Derek shifted and pushed Stiles against the door. The human was not fighting or afraid. He was staring at the wolf, eyes to eyes, smiling peacefully.

“You said that if I wanted to talk, I could come. So I came.”

“It has been _years_ since I told you that. I did not think you remembered it” snorted the human.

“ _I always remember the things you say_.” Derek thought.

\---[flashback]---

_Stiles was sitting on the hood of his jeep, in front of the AA. He wanted to be sure that his dad went to the reunions, even if it was fifty miles away from Beacon Hills: no one could ever suspect or know that the sheriff was an alcoholic. Stiles convinced his dad, promising him to accompany him at each meeting. It was a no way to break his word._

_A night, he saw a black Camaro parked in front of the shady gymnasium where the reunion took place. It could have been Derek’s but Chevrolet does not sell a Camaro a year, right? A familiar shape entered in, but he did not really paid attention to it. He spotted the camaro a second night, it still could have been a coincidence. The shape seemed to be familiar to him but his dad was here again and he dismissed the thought. On the third night he saw the car and its owner, it definitely became a pattern and he pushed his luck. He parked his jeep next to the Camaro and waited. Waited for a very long time._

_When the shape got outside, Stiles tried to overhear what the man was saying to a young woman, without success but he was relieved. The not-Derek-but-similar-guy just was dating a girl. In front of the AA… ok. It was weird but why not. The man turned around and why was Derek here? His neurones just fused..._

_“May I help you?” a voice growled._

_“Crap. Derek. Hey! What are you doing there?” Stiles said. He was so lost in his mind that he didn’t see the wolf coming. It was really him. And he was going to die because he hadn’t any explanation to give for his presence._

_“Nothing that matters to you. Night” the wolf said._

_“Wait. Derek. Wanna talk?” Stiles said, touching Derek’s arm. “We both know what’s behind those doors. If you ever want to talk, you know where my room is.” He added without judgment, waving his hands and smiling._

\---[ end of flashback]---

“It’s been a while since the last time you came.” Said Stiles, sarcastic. “Braeden don’t want to hear your complain anymore?”

Derek smelt the jealousy in Stiles’ scent. He was sure it was jealousy with a bit of bitter. Derek shifted in his full wolf form and curled himself up on Stiles’ blanket. “Sleep.”

“I was doing something, Sourwolf.”

“And I said that I wanted you to sleep. So, sleep.” Growled the werewolf.

Derek had never been good with words. He needed to focus on Stiles scent and breath. To keep him from doing something he could regret.

“Something is wrong, isn’t it?” Stiles said, stroking Derek’s fur. “And please, do not growl. Just answer.”

Stiles stood up and get into his cupboard find something Derek could wear in his human form. “Remember this one?” He said, smiling, holding a shirt with blue and orange strikes. “It would fit.”

“She knows.” Derek said, after his shift. “She knows everything.”

“What did she say?”

“That she wasn’t the person I should be talking with, that she never had been the one I wanted to talk and then, she left.”

“She is certainly at the field, practicing.”

“She packed, and _then_ she left.”

Derek was sitting on the floor, looking at Stiles. He didn’t smell fear for once. He was just here, glancing alternatively to Derek and his hands.

“Everyone leaves.” Derek said.

“Am I?” Stiles answered, getting closer to Derek.

“You will, someday.” **_More closer please._**

“Why would I?” Still approaching.

“We’re not even friends.” **_Don’t go. Please._**

“What are we then?” Stiles muttered, next to Derek’s face.

 

\---[flashback]---

  _“I’m not sure aconite is recommended in this kind of situation Derek, I would even say in any kind of situation. But this is only my human way of thinking. You know that aconite kills right? Humans get poisoned but you, little werewolf, you get killed in deep suffering.”_

_“Leave.”_

_The human shook his head. “No I’m not.”_

_“Please.” Derek admonished, tears in his eyes, Boyd’s blood on his hand and on his shirt._

_Syringes, aconite and alcohol were glowing on the werewolf’s bed._

_“It’s my fault, my entire fault. Just like every time I touch something, it rots.”_

_Stiles put his hand on Derek’s shoulder. “Some sources say that Ian Flemming discovered penicillin when mildew invaded his culture on his table during his holidays.” Derek looked confused. “I mean, putrefaction isn’t always a bad thing and…”_

_Derek growled and pushed Stiles against a wall. “I killed my own Beta, do you understand what it means? I’m like them. Exactly like them. I wanted power so I bit them. And now they’re quite all dead. Laura was so right. I’m a fucked up wolf, a broken human and I am…”_

_“The kindest man I ever met. You care about the others. You tried to protect them. You gave the bite to the most lonely people I ever met. You gave them a family. You almost died for people you barely knew. I’m maybe not a wolf, but you’re part of my life, somehow, and I respect you. I trust you because you deserve it Derek. Give me those syringes and keep the solemn vow you made. Laura wouldn’t like see you like this.”_

_“What do you know from my sister? You just found her dead body.” Growled Derek, eyes flashing._

_“That was just mean. Precisely, I only found one part of her. Scott found the other one.”_

_Derek was quite rabid. His eyes were glowing bloody red and his fangs were shining._

_“I will not use drugs anymore to feel something. Life may be harsh, but she deserves to be lived without the effects of narcoleptics.”_

_“See, you remember it. Give it to me.”_

_Derek armed his fist and hit. The punch grazed Stiles through but exploded itself against the wall._

_“You missed the target_ Captain _, my head was three millimetres on the left.” Stiles muttered. “And why are you smiling?”_

_“I just needed someone to remind me this. Now go, take those and bury them somewhere it will be impossible to be found.”_

_Stiles opened his bag and put the syringes and the absinthe in it. Derek was standing in the doorway, waiting for him, his blood pulsing. “And Stiles?”_

_“Yep Sourwolf?”_

_“Thanks.”_

_“Nothing to be thanked for, Derek.” Stiles said, putting his hand on Derek’s scapula._

\---[enf of flashback]---

Stiles was diving in the asparagus eyes that were standing **that close** to his face. He saw every meanders of the wolf’s irises.

Derek, in return was glancing at Stiles’ lips: they seemed soft, smooth, sugared. **Damn. This man is a real temptation. Please come closer. Your scent is intoxicating me. Please.**

“Several options are possible right now. I could do what you wanted me to do first, but I really don’t want to. You can possibly kill me, it is an option but I’d like you do that in the preserve, officers don’t need to see my messy bedroom. I’d prefer to live, but if you think I…”

“Would you please shut up?” Derek said just before kiss the human.

The first kiss was chaste. The second kiss was electric. The third was passionate.

“That was the option I really preferred. For what this matter, I wouldn’t be against another kiss.”

In place of a kiss, Derek hugged him, nudged his neck and fell asleep. Stiles followed him quickly after that.

\---₪---

In the morning, Derek wasn’t there anymore and Stiles found the bed too empty to stay in. They kissed, thrice. He needed to put the things on the table. What? Derek and him kissed. When? The day before. Why? He couldn’t explain.

He needed explanation. He needed a rational touchable explanation. Derek Hale kissed him, cuddled with him all night, breathed against his collarbone, nuzzled against his neck during his sleep, and used him as a pillow.

Damn it! He was supposed to meet Scott at 1PM and he smelt like Derek Hale. Scott would know immediately, and this was the last thing Stiles wanted. Not that he was ashamed but he wanted first to know what was happening, and more selfishly, he wanted to keep that for him. Since Scott became a Werewolf, Stiles private life had been less private that what he would have wanted. Stiles unconsciously thanked Scott for his frequent lack of perspicacity.

Stiles’ mind was working too fast. He had so many things to do before meeting his friend, and not that much time. He needed to hide Derek’s smell, but not eradicate it. He needed to talk to Derek, rationalize what happened last night, talk to Derek, finish his English essay to apply to Stanford and Columbia, and, well, talk to Derek. His breath was messily speeding up, his hands were frenetically shaking, and dizziness was taking him. Three symptoms of a panic attack.

“In. Out. In. Out.” Said a manly voice. “Breathe.”

“If.. you.. haven’t noticed..” tried to reply Stiles.

“For one time in your life, could you just not talking, snorting, or use sarcasm? Just Breathe.”

Derek took Stiles hands and rubbed it against his stubble. “Just breathe.”

When Stiles heartbeat turned back to a calmer rhythm, Derek stood up and covered him with his blanket.

“Can we talk?” the human asked.

“Nothing has to be discussed.” The wolf answered before leaving, definitely this time, Stiles’ home, with a harsh ache in his stomach.

\---[flashback]---

  _“The question is, why am I the King of Stiles’ chessboard?”_

_“Is it really Stiles’?” asked the Sheriff. “Don’t look at me like this, is it Stiles or is it that thing in him?”_

_Chris Argent and Derek looked at each other dubitatively. “We still don’t know.” said finally the hunter. “We can’t be sure.”_

_John saw red. “Before killing my son, I seriously hope you’ll be sure of what is this mess!”_

_Derek was still looking at the chess game. When his father taught him the art of strategy with a chessboard, the king was also the most important pawn and the weakest. What was that meaning? There were so many scenarios._

_“Actually, we don’t know which one is out. He is smarter than the original Stiles. He could be everywhere, and we haven’t figured how to hunt him.”_

_“What if, you know… you could smell his stuff and find him? That’s what we do when someone gets lost in the preserve…”_

_“I’m not one of your dogs.”_ **Damn! This is Stiles, stop acting like an idiot and do something _._ ** _“But, I’ll try.”_

_The sheriff gave Stiles’ red hoodie to Derek. It was smelly, with the habitual spices of Stiles’ smell, but it also contained a bitter one: anger, revenge and resent. “Let me twenty-for hours, I’ll find him.” With that, he shifted and disappeared in the night._

_The smell drove him to many places where Stiles wasn’t. The Nogitsune obviously used Derek’s skills at his own benefit. Where could be the human? Somewhere that hadn’t been checked, but which also made sense to be found. He was searching confrontation after his little game._

_Derek tried to remember Stiles’ way of thinking. First, what would he do? Analyse the situation. Then? What do the proofs teach us? The hoodie, the chessboard, Derek’s name on the king. Suddenly, it just clicked ! He was at Derek’s!  He would never have searched  in his loft, but it was the answer!_

_“Well, well, well.” Stiles’ voice said. “You’ve been long, Honey.”_

_Derek growled and shifted._

_“Shush, little wolf.” Said the nogitsune, tackling Derek and sitting on his chest. “You wouldn’t do something that could hurt me, right Honey?” Derek hadn’t seen him coming, and now, he was trapped under the human, his hands held up above his head with one of Stiles hand above, while his other hand was stroking the werewolf’s stubble._

_“Oh Honey, is that desire I smell in the air?”_

_Derek growled and Stiles slapped him. “Stop growling at me. We both know that it is an insane pleasure you are feeling right now. I love so much being wanted so much.”_

_The nogitsune was rubbing Stiles body against Derek’s._

_“Not you.” He said, before being hit harder._

_“What did you say?”_

_Derek, with his mouth full of blood, spitted at the fox. “This_ isn’t _for you.”_

_“LIAR!” He shouted. “You should not had done this to me.”_

_Black out._

_\---_ _₪_ _\---_

_Derek woke up tied with wolfsbane-laced ropes to a pillar. His sight was blurred and he only could smell aconite and blood, not his. He was so sleepy. He only wanted to curl himself on a blanket._

_“Well, you finally join the living world, bullshit?” Stiles’ voice said, angrily. “Look at him, he’s so weak. He always had been so weak. Don’t you think?”_

_“Derek, you can’t sleep. You need to fight.” Stiles’ voice said, softer. “You can’t let him continue his vendetta. Kill me if you need.”_

_Derek was confused. Who was speaking? Which voice should he believe?_

_“If you think I will let him kill me, you’re lying to yourself. Look at me, Derek. Look at what I got for you. Look at what I found in his head.”_

_The nogitsune waved syringes of aconite in front of his face. Syringes that would make him suffer. Not enough to kill him, just the right amount to make him high, negate his will and broke his_ _vow of abstinence._

_“You want to know why you are the King on the chessboard?” the fox asked, perverted grin on Stiles’ face. “That’s simple. You are important, you are an Alpha. You are important for him, but you are weak. Weaker than everyone else. You’re so easily put on checkmate. One move, and you’re over.”_

_Derek growled. “I. Am. Not. Weak!”_

_“Of course you are.” He answered flatly._

_“Derek, you’re the one that let_ that _woman enter in our life. You’re the one that told her we were wolves.” Laura’s voice said. “You killed our mother. You killed our father.”_

_The nogitsune was facing Derek. Looking deeply into his eyes. “That’s so wrong. That is so, so wrong. You killed your own genitors.” He said, shaking his head._

_“What about Granny? What about our little Cora? Do you imagine how much they’d suffered because of your stupidity?”_

_That is when Derek understood. It was not real. It was not Stiles. It was not Laura. It only was a fantasy. The nogitsune was playing with his mind like he did with Stiles’._

_“Why are you laughing, Sweetheart?” asked the fox._

_“That’s not real. You are not real.”_

_The nogitsune kissed Derek on the forehead. “See you around, little wolf. Off the records, you should tell him what you feel. That could be a real funny game.”_

\---[end of flashback]---

\---₪---

 

 “Why do you smell like Derek?”

Malia was standing on Stiles’ porch, frowning.

“Am…am I?”

Malia shook her head yes. “If I smelled him, Scott will too.”

“But he’ll be polite and won’t ask anything.” Kira added, then hugged Stiles. “At least, not in front of us.”

“Girls, you can’t appear like this. I’m going to have a heart attack. I don’t want to have this discussion right now. You just have to know that everything is alright.”

The road to Scott’s house was silent, and Stiles stayed mostly silent at his best friend house. Liam talked about his improvement in his supernatural skills, Malia repeated that she didn’t wanted to see her father and Kira read the entire meeting.

Scott noticed the smell but did not say anything until the pack meeting was over.

“Wanna talk dude?” he asked, with his everlasting smile on his face.

Stiles wanted to lie but he knew that the lie detector would make it pointless.  

“I smelled.” Scott tried.

“Can we not have this discussion now?” Stiles sighed. “It’s not against you, you’ll always be my brother, but this isn’t something I can discuss now.”

“Did he force you into anything?” Scott scolded, eyes glowing bloody red. “I will make him pay if he did.”

“Scott. He didn’t force me to do anything. Nothing that concerns you happened.”

“I just don’t want him to force you into something that could hurt you.” Scott said, putting his hand on Stiles shoulder. “He’s not stable, and you’re still underage.”

“Scott, you don’t know him.”

“Because you do?”

“Better than what you think. I don’t need your consent to kiss Derek.”

“You did WHAT?” Scott chocked. “Dude. It’s Derek Hale. He doesn’t do romance.”

“Who talked about romance Scott?” Stiles said, taking off Scott hand. “We kissed, thrice, we literally slept and this morning, he left. We haven’t even talked about it.”

Scott’s disapproval was sour. He always helped him towards his feeling for Allison, Isaac or Kira. He was not expecting congratulation but _at least_ something else than “You’re totally wrong.” Scott told him how Derek lonely and perverted was, that even Braeden left and that was why he came to Stiles.

“So that’s what you think? I’m just here to fill Derek’s loneliness. Just here to open my legs...  You disgust me right now. How could you ever have imagined that of him, and worse, of me?”

“Stiles, you can’t love someone unless you love yourself first. Do you love him?”

“This is bullshit, Scott. We just kissed! We’re not at the point of declaring our unconditional love to the world! I don’t know where this will lead, but I want to take my chance... and what a bullshit to say “you can’t love someone unless you love yourself”! I have never loved myself, but HIM, Scott, when I am with him, I forgot what hating myself feel like... It is true, I don’t know what I feel for him, except that I feel better.”

\---₪---

When Stiles’ dad left for his night shift, a shape appeared in Stiles living room.

“I promise.” Derek began. “I promise you that I’m not seeking in you someone to fill my loneliness.”

Stiles did not let Derek finish his sentence. He put his finger on his lips and shook his head. “Shhh... We just need to figure out what happened.”

Derek deeply anchored his eyes in Stiles’. He used to be good with words, but since the fire, it was as if he lost his voice. Growling was the only language he was speaking these days... He only growled on the poor boy, and when he did not, he just forgets how to speak.

“Do you regret it? Because if it is the case, we can act like nothing happened and, you know, avoid each others.” Stiles said, closing the distance between the wolf and him. “Because I would totally understand, at least try, and…”

Derek filled the space between their lips. Their tongues fought. It was messy and wet, full of years of frustration.

“I wouldn’t.” Derek finally said. Looking at Stiles’ surprise, he added, “I wouldn’t have understood why you wouldn’t have seen me again.”

 Stiles smiled. He put his palm against the werewolf’s face. “Why did you leave?”

Derek sighed. He was not sure of the answer. He walked all day long, in his full wolf form. Searching answers to his questions.

\---[flashback]---

  _“One day, you’ll understand Derek.” His dad said. “You will meet someone you trust, someone that respect you for who you are, and for what you represent. And you will respect that person; you will protect the link you have. You will be the mate that that person sought without noticing.”_

_“But Father? When will that happen? Will I know at first sight?”_

_David Hale laughed. “When I met your mother, we hated each other instantaneously.”_

_“But, Father, if you hated Mother. How did you get married?”_

_“Because, my boy, hate isn’t the contrary of love, it’s indifference. The more you mother annoyed me, the more I annoyed her, the more we built up our relationship. We just tried to get the other one attention. You won’t know it until you finally accept yourself as you are.”_

\---[end of flashback]---

“Derek, you don’t need to talk if you’re not ready.” Stiles said. “I’m not sure to be ready myself. We could just let the things happen.”

Derek nuzzled against Stiles collarbone. “Can we just sleep, like yesterday?”

Stiles took Derek’s hand and led him to his bedroom. The wolf curled himself against Stiles’ chest, and for once, fell asleep as soon as he eyes closed. Stiles used Derek’s breath to calm his own and fell asleep quicker than the last three years. _So many things happened since Peter bit Scott..._ Stiles never thought he would have those feelings for someone. Indeed, he thought he loved Lydia, but not this way. Perhaps what he was feeling now was the reason he was able to sleep at night... what a huge progress!

\---[flashback]---

  _“When was the last time you slept well?” Mrs Morell asked._

_“Not since my mom died, I guess.”_

_“Do you still have nightmares?”_

_“I got this one with a clown. I hate clowns. He’s following me and…”_

_“Mr Stilinski, do not play with my time.” She cut him off. “You and I perfectly know of what I am talking about.”_

_Stiles cannot answer. He cannot admit he was still having those nightmares; those where he killed his friends, enjoying it; those where he baths in blood, madly laughing. He cannot tell her how he dreams about having the kanima at his orders; kill all the people who did not save his mother... He cannot admit how enjoyable killing someone in his dreams is. He cannot tell her that he is jealous of his friends. He is a human, he is fine with it, but he wishes he could be more. He is just the little token human of the pack. Scott clearly does not understand. Scott never really understood Stiles. Maybe when they were both human but now?_

_He cannot tell her how he avoids sleeping to not dream. He takes two or three Adderall at night, so he is sure he will not sleep. Then, when sleep finally wins the battle, he is so exhausted that he does not dream. He cannot tell her what he feels for a specific werewolf, because he perfectly knows that the specific werewolf will never see in him anything else that a spaz teenage boy._

_He cannot tell her, so he lies. He can lie to her because, even if she guesses, she has not supernatural power to prove it. He can lie to her because it IS easier. He cannot tell her how much pain he feels every day. He cannot tell his friends either. Stiles feels empty._

_What he does not know is that someone actually cares for him. At night, he sneaks around his bedroom and watch over him. He used to come here more often, but he cannot always let Braeden on her own. He lost his abilities, but he still care for the young man. It has been awhile since he cares for him. But, be realistic: who would ever take care of an ex-drug addict, a broken man. Braeden helps sometimes but it does not cure him. It is not what his dad explained him when he was five._

\---[end of flashback]---

In the morning, Stiles woke up before Derek. He watched him sleep peacefully. He never saw him this relaxed. He was not smiling, but almost. Everything was calm. For once, Stiles did not need to fill the air with words.

His dad would come back from his shift at 11AM, which would let them enough time to cuddle a bit more and enjoy the moment. 

Well. That was the plan. Stiles should be used to changing plans, because he heard a sound that immediately woke up Derek.

“Could you _please_ explain to me why are you sharing a bed with my underage son?” asked firmly the sheriff, gun charged and directed on Derek.

“Holly crap. Dad! ” Stiles sighed. “I can explain. We just slept together.” Derek stopped him with his trademark danger-zone look. “Wait. We didn’t _actually_ sleep together. We slept, as in sleeping. Not the other sleeping thing.”

That was enough for the sheriff, before leaving the room, he added more angrily than expected  “You two. Downstairs. Now.”

“That could have been worse.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. He could have shot you.” Stiles said, with an awkward smile.

\---₪---

 “Well. Dad, let me talk before you threaten him with your gun.” Stiles began. “Derek didn’t do anything wrong. We just slept: nothing more, nothing less.”

“Since when are you into boys?”

“Dad. It’s complicated. I’m not _into_ boys or _into_ girls. I’m into people. I like people, no matter who they are. This includes werewolves.”

John Stilinski looked at Derek. “What about you son? What can you say for you defence? Everything you’ll say can and will be sustained against you. He’s still underage, and you definitely are not.”

“I know I owe you an explanation but I won’t.” Derek said, hesitantly. “Well. Stiles is Stiles. He’s so many things. I’m not good with words anymore, I can be feral, I can be grumpy, I can be so many things. But your son, he always knows without asking. He’s just here, waving his hands and playing the clumsy one. But he’s more than that. He’s more than words could explain.”

Derek shut himself before saying something he was not sure. He wanted it to be special. He wanted it to be more than a feeling he cannot control. Was that what his dad told him?

“Well. Derek, for someone who’s not comfortable with words...”

Derek left after breakfast, promising to be back later, because “they needed to talk, somehow.”

Before letting his dad sleep after his shift, Stiles came into his room.

“We barely talked about what happened these days. We just shared something more, I guess? Dad, I know it could be somewhat difficult for you to understand but, I just need time to understand what’s happening between Derek and I.”

“This isn’t that I can’t understand. Your mom would have had the words.” John made a pause to think. “It’s just difficult to see you growing up.”

Stiles looked surprised. “But, when I was dating Malia, you weren’t having _difficulties_.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say. When you were with Malia, I didn’t believe it was serious. But now, you said to me it’s been three days you’ve been _that_ connected but I think this exists since you two met.”

Stiles was pensive. What if his dad was right? He does not know how take this. He wants to go slowly. Stiles really doesn’t want to rush things with Derek.

“Sleep tight dad.”

“We’ll discuss later, I promise. I’ll try to find the words your mom would have used.”

Stiles had a sad smile. “I miss her too, dad.” And before he left his dad’s bedroom, the sheriff already was sleeping.

\---₪---

 “Lydia.”

“Derek.”

“I think I messed up, again. Can I come in?”

“Since when do you ask?” She barely had the time to hang out that Derek already was in her kitchen.

“Did you talk to him?” She asked, giving him a coffee.

“No, I didn’t.”

She let a disapproval sound out. “He talked, then? He always talks to much.”

“No he didn’t. Neither of us have talked, we just kissed.”

The strawberry-blonde girl looked him dubiously. He could not be sure if her face was smiling or jubilant. This girl could be very scary sometimes. “You kissed Stiles.”

“Thrice.”

“Dear lord.” Lydia said, then she added exited: “How was it, Darling?”

Derek looked at her and let a growl out. “Good, I guess.”

“You guess?” asked a male voice behind them. “You kiss my best friend, thrice, and you just _guess_ it was good?”

“Scott, what are you doing there? Get out!” Yelled the banshee. “This isn’t about you. This is about Stiles and Derek.”

Right after Lydia expelled Scott from her living room, she asked him: “why do you say you messed up?”

Derek sighed, using his old grumpy face. “This morning, his father, the sheriff!, found me nuzzling against his son.”

“Oh. I see.” And she laughed. “You’re still alive, he didn’t shot you. That’s already a good point. Do you want to know what I think?”

“Go ahead.” Derek raised his eyes.

“You should make a gesture.” She began. “Not something fancy, just something for the two of you because you _definitely_ need to talk.”

\---₪---

When the night came, everything was settled. Lydia cleaned, or more exactly, paid someone to clean Derek’s loft.  She disposed Chinese lantern everywhere and transformed Derek’s austere bedroom in a charming cushion room, with pillows and soft blankets. Derek did not ask where Lydia found all these stuff in a so short time. The banshee could be more terrifying than what you can guess, and Derek really did not wanted to know.

**He’s at your door front. Keep calm. Keep casual. Everything will be fine.**

Derek opened his door and let Stiles in. Derek was wearing his night blue sweat pants with a black Henley that perfectly underlined his lines. Stiles was hidden under a huge grey sweater that he only wore when he wanted to be utterly comfortable.

When the human saw the lanterns, he was subjugated. Derek put his arms around Stiles shoulders and smelled his hair. It was intoxicating. The more he smelled him, the more he wanted to snuggle. For once, Stiles did not talk; he just kissed the part Derek’s arms that he could reach.

“Stiles, I think we should talk.”

“Dear Lord, I hate those words.” Stiles sighed.

They were now face to face, looking at each other shyly.

“I don’t want to rush.” They finally said simultaneously.

Derek carried on. “I want to go slow. I don’t know where this will lead, but one thing is sure, I want it to happen.” Derek took Stiles hand and put in against his heart. “See what you’re doing to me? I don’t know what it is. It’s burning me inside.”

Stiles looked his hand on Derek chest. It was really burning. “Stiles. I made all the wrong choices in my life, don’t let me make another one.”

Stiles finally opened his mouth. “I don’t have much certitude in my life, but I have this one. Since my mom’s death, I never slept well. Since the nogitsune possessed me, I barely slept at all. But when you came the other night... I slept well for the very first time since long. I felt protected. I felt warm.”

The werewolf leaded Stiles toward his bedroom. They just laid on the bed, spooning each other. As weird as it could be, Derek wasn’t the big spoon, his back against Stiles’ chest. He loved to be between the human arms. He was giving the control to Stiles, and it was something Derek wasn’t accustomed to. For Stiles, it was also unusual. Being someone else shield was somehow new for the thin and pale guy.

“You never told me.”

“Told you what, Sourwolf?”

“Never told me why I was the king on the chessboard. The nogitsune said his distorted vision but you never told me your vision...”

Stiles sighed, thoughtful. “For the biggest part of chess players, the King always is also the most important and the weakest pawn. But for me, it isn’t how I see it. It’s true that he hasn’t unlimited moves like the Queen, but he has other qualities. To my mind, he’s the key. It is the pawn that decides the entire game.”

Derek let a howl get out of his throat. “I can’t see what made you think that about me, both in the past and the present.”

Stiles forced Derek to face him and kissed him chastely. “What makes you so wonderful to me eyes, it isn’t your strength, your extraordinary force or your wolf senses... It is every minute you lived, every loss, every victory, every things that forged who you are. All those lines on your face are your story. Yes, you made bad choices in your existence, I won’t talk about the drugs you used to take or the way you treated your pack... but each of these errors, these ‘weaknesses’ made you human. Humans are supposed to make mistakes.”

Derek climbed on Stiles tights and kissed him passionately, then, he nuzzled against his neck and rubbed his hands against him. “You can’t imagine what you represent to me.” He muttered. “You are symbolizing for me the real strength. You’ve lived through death since your childhood, but even if you were broke, you always found the heart to support those who haven’t. You helped your dad with his alcoholism, you maintained Scott focused after Allison’s death, the spirit of revenge possessed you, you saved Lydia from Meredith, and you saved all of us without asking to be saved. I wish I could have been this courageous.”

Derek rolled them and Stiles was now on top. “I wish I could have found another cure for your nightmares than diminish your pain.”

Stiles made a line of kisses on Derek from his chest to his mouth. “You used your Alpha abilities for me? All this time I thought you hated me…” he muttered.

Derek took Stiles’ face between his hands. “Someone I wished you could have met once told me that only indifference was dangerous. You never have been indifferent to me.” Derek kissed Stiles’ neck and he pressed his nose against it.

“Would you be hurt if I told you I don’t want to go further tonight?” Stiles said, with a little voice.

“Would you be hurt if I told you this wasn’t my intention?” Derek replied, kissing Stiles forehead. “I just want to lay here, with your breath and your heartbeat as a lullaby.”

Stiles smiled and took Derek in his arms. “I would be glad if you gave me another kiss.” And they kissed again until Morpheus made them fell in his arms.

\---₪---

“We’re something, without a name.” Derek muttered at Stiles’ ear when he woke up.

“It’s way to early to talk.” The younger replied, with a sleepy voice. “what are you talking about?” **Give me a kiss, instead of talking.**

“You asked what we were, before we kissed on the first time. We’re something that doesn’t need a name.”

Stiles sighed and opened one eye. “You think too much in the morning. When did you wake up?”

“Sunrise.” **I watched you sleeping, but I won’t tell it to you.**

Stiles doesn’t sleep that much normally. Three, four hours maximum, but today, he slept without panic attack, without nightmares. Stiles stretched out his neck and kissed Derek’s stubble. “I slept well.”

“So do I.” Derek said.

“I want to lay here all day.” Stiles added, stroking Derek chest. “Just lay here and forget the world.”

“Did you just quote _Snow Patrol_? Anyway, you should study. Where did you applied?”

“Stanford and Columbia.” Stiles said, with a little smile.

“Really? I went to Columbia in another life.”

_\---_ _[flashback]_ _\---_

_Derek was standing in front of the Admission Hall of Columbia. It would be the last time he would see the old buildings of the Ivy League university. Laura was dead and he needed to avenge her death. Someone would pay for it. Columbia was the only thing he succeeded in his life. It was before he took drugs. He graduated in history. It was the last time Laura and him had a real conversation before_ **their** _fight. The dark-haired girl came alone to his graduation, when every student had his all-family seated on a bench of the Hall. She told him how proud she was. Then, they fought._

_Derek did not know if he would be able to avenge his sister. He was alone. He could die and nobody would knows, enough aconite and no more Derek. But it was his sister. Someone murdered the last (healthy) member of his family. He still had his uncle but since the fire, he did not talk anymore. He was in his hospital bedroom watching at nothing, waiting that Death takes him._

_Derek thought he could avenge Laura, and then, let it go: no more lies, no more words, no more Derek. It was his plan. It was what seemed to be a good plan. But every good plan has its limits, and Derek’s limit will have a name, but at this moment he still did not know it: Stiles Stilinski._

_\---_ _[end of flashback]_ _\---_

\---₪---

“Stiles, buddy, it’s Scott. I know I have been a jerk. Call me back.”

Stiles threw his phone in his backpack. “Been a jerk, uh. Start by apologies.”

“You should call him back.”

Stiles gazed at Derek. He was not wrong. Scott is clumsy, but he really hurt him. He knows Derek has not always been sweet to them, and that his past is tumultuous, but as he said to the werewolf: that’s what makes him so exceptional.

Stiles climbed on Derek lap. “What if I still want to quote _Snow Patrol_ and lay here?”

“Your dad would shot me, because you’re not going to high school, endangering your going to College.”

Stiles’ smile faded. “You’ve got a point.”

Derek, who was wearing Stiles sweater, leaned and asked for a kiss before Stiles’ departure. He did not want to let him go, but he had something in mind.

\---₪---

Derek shifted in his full wolf form and climbed the hills of the preserve. His black fur was shining under the bright sun of California. He needed time with his family. The Hales had a property that has been let to itself since the fire, and the little cemetery where Laura and him buried their own was now as welcoming as the Amazonian forest.

The werewolf howled when he nestled against the graves of his parents, of his grandparents, and of course of his siblings. They were four: Laura, the eldest, Thomas, the second, him, in third position, and the little Cora who was now living in Brazil. Thomas wasn’t born a werewolf, as his grandfather, but Kate didn’t care when she set the fire. “Humans from werewolf families still have the possibility to have werewolf children. They must be eradicated as werewolves.” This is how Gerard Argent described his brother.

Stiles was one of the first human he let enter his territory. At the beginning, he only wanted to rip his throat with his teeth. “If you had seen him. He was always talking. He is still always talking. He never shuts up. He taught me how to trust humans again, mother. But I will lose him someday. He needs to live his life, away from death. He needs to go to college without doubts, without a burding past. It would be so selfish to hold him here. I know I’m not an alpha anymore, but being an omega means something to me. I’m the last one standing of our pack.”

Derek shut and sighed. “I know Granny, Cora is still alive, but she has her own life in Brazil. She has her pack. Stiles is what pack means for me today. Should I tell him? Live your life, don’t come back, and just go forward? I know, what I’m going to say is spiteful but Scott doesn’t need to leave Beacon Hills. This town is enough for him, but Stiles… Father, if you knew him. He’s smart. No, no, he’s smarter than that. The world isn’t enough for him.”

\---₪---

On Monday, Stiles knew it would be impossible to avoid Scott all day long. He smelt like Derek, and Scott would certainly be a jerk, but the old friends needed to have this discussion.

“It’s been three days and you don’t smell yourself anymore.” The werewolf said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you were into guys now.” Scott tried. “We could have been to jungle, and met a nice guy.”

“I’m not into guys, Scott. I’m into people. And more precisely, I’m into Derek.”

Scott sighed, and saw Lydia. “You don’t feel anything for her anymore? You talk about her hair since we met.”

Stiles looked at Lydia. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was everything a man could dream of, except him. He dreamt of Derek since years without even noticing it. He has been afraid of Derek, more time than often, he can’t lie on this fact. He also has been afraid of losing him: when the Alpha pack defeated him on the mall site, when he left Beacon Hills to bring Cora back in Brazil, and when they were in the pool.

They were not friends. They were not close. They had this kind of complicity, like partners in crime. What would happen when he will go to college? Will he be selfish and ask him to come with him, either at Stanford or Columbia? Will he lose him because he cannot cut him out of his family land?

“Stiles, buddy, listen to me. I just don’t want to see you hurt because he used you.” Scott said. “Saturday, when I went to Lydia’s because she didn’t came at the pack meeting, he was there. I heard him saying he doesn’t know what to think about you. That this situation was…”

Lydia slapped Scott. “How dare you? How dare you, Scott McCall, telling these insanities?” Then, she added with a softer voice to Stiles that Derek only came to her with a simpler motive. “He only wanted some help to impress you, because he knows how feral he can be, and he wanted to be relaxed to talk with you.”

Lydia smiled, and said, “You talked, don’t you?”

Stiles nodded with a grin. “He doesn’t need to impress me. He’s Derek.” **I love him exactly how he is.**

“I just don’t want to see you hurt, Stiles.” Scott claimed, before leaving, escorted by Liam.

Malia, Kira and Lydia hugged Stiles. “He will understand, let him some time.”

“May I ask you since when do you talk with Derek like this, Lydia?” Malia asked.

“When he started to lose his wolf and that I discovered what my Grandma hided for years, I guess.”

_\---_ _[flashback]_ _\---_

  _“Lydia, what are you doing there?” Derek asked. “It’s almost midnight.”_

_“Sorry. I need to talk to Peter.” She replied, electric._

_“What a pleasure, Lydia.” He smirked._

_“You knew her, right? You knew her and that’s why you bit me!” The banshee yelled. “You knew I was immune to the bite, and that I will be changed in a Banshee.”_

_For once, Peter did not find a loop and just nodded. “That’s true, I knew your grandmother. She was one of the smartest person ever.”_

_Lydia tried to slap him, but he intercepted her hand three inches from his face and twined his available arm around her. “You let me believe that I eared voices in my head for months. You knew I was a banshee when you asked me to read Talia’s claws. Let me go, Peter. I’m not playing.”_

_Lydia quitted Derek’s loft as fast as she came._

_“Lydia!” Derek yelled. “Do you want to talk about that?’ he stated further hesitantly. “Or punch something?”_

_She hesitated but nodded and Derek brought her to the basement, where he used to train for hours, to get rid of his nerves. “You can come here whenever you want, punching can be the solution.”_

_\---_ _[end of flashback]_ _\---_

\---₪---

Derek was reading on his couch when Stiles entered in his loft and deliberately lied on him. The last days had been harsh with Scott, the finals and his dad that was not so happy with him as he spent more and more time at Derek’s. The sheriff allowed him to go there only if his schoolwork was done. Stiles used this rule to spend even more time with his _Sourwolf,_ as he worked with Derek’s head on his shoulder.

Three weeks passed since they kissed for the first time, and spring was now spreading. Stiles would turn eighteen in May, and his admission letters would follow closely, with a full scholarship or not. If Stiles did not want to think about it, Derek thought about it every day. He wanted to spend more time with the young man, to the extent that they were almost living together, in two houses. That could seem a very rapid decision, but they were eyeing up for years. Derek had taken a habit that let Stiles smiling all day long the first time he did it. Derek Hale does not do romance, but he writes... So, when he leaves Stiles’ bedroom, he leaves a note with three, four words, or sometimes five.

Scott still had not opened his eyes on Stiles’ relationship with the werewolf. Stiles some times said that “Scott is a nice guy, but he needs more time than others to acclimate” and it was not false. Malia, Kira and obviously Lydia often came at Derek’s loft when Stiles was there. Who could have ever known that Derek was able to cook _that_ well? Sometimes, Liam joined, invited by Kira.

“He’s the more loyal to Scott.” Derek explained once. “He was the one that bit him, and he was only fifteen. It isn’t him, it his is wolf.”

Lydia applied to the M.I.T, and with no doubts, would be accepted. Kira, meanwhile, was frightened to be refused at Carnegie Mellon where her dad studied. Malia, who obtained a full sport scholarship, had applied as far as she could from her father and as close as she could from Kira. It was amazing how strong their couple was. Scott only applied in a school where he could be studying part time, and have time to be Deaton’s apprentice. Scott and Liam would be on their own.

\---₪---

Stiles’ birthday would be in one month, and Scott still had not succeeded to talk to his best friend without getting on his nerves. Scott needed help, and he hated it, because this meant asking to Derek what to do.

“You’re alone?” he asked, when he found the courage to get to the werewolf’s loft.

“Stiles isn’t here, if you were looking for him.” Replied Derek, coldly.

“I came to see you, Derek. I need to understand.”

Derek nodded. “What do you need to understand?”

“Is it serious between you and Stiles?”

“If you are asking if we are getting _steady_ , we’re not going to have this discussion.”

Scott laughed. “Who still use steady nowadays?”

Derek looked pissed off. “Scott, why don’t you let Stiles be whatever he feels when he’s around?”

Scott hesitated. “This is just. Derek. I don’t trust you. I should, but I can’t. You’ve been hurting people since we met.” He added, eyes glowing red. “You already hurt him.”

“Did you flash at me Scott? Is this how you treat Liam or your others betas?”

Scott growled and shifted. “Do not talk about my pack.”

“Your pack? Do you know what your pack do on Friday nights? They come here. They come here and are delighted for Stiles, because they see how better he feels now. Your pack is moving on. Your pack has projects, Scott. I was a bad Alpha, but I never thought to denigrate Stiles like you did. He always supported you. He used to have an unlimited trust in you. Do you even see what pain you caused him?”

\---₪---

“Hello Mom.” Stiles said, putting his hand on the grave. “I know it’s been a while since I came last.”

Stiles sighed and leaned back against his mother’s grave. “I turn eighteen today, and I wanted to be with you. I’m fine Mom. I’m finally fine. I met someone that makes me feel fine. To be honest, I met him years ago, but the path to what we had to take has been long. Dad didn’t shot him, I think it’s his way of telling me he likes him, because it is a ‘him’, mom. His name is Derek, Derek Hale. He’s older than me, he’s grumpy and sometimes feral, but he is the kindest man I ever met. He had issues with drugs, but mom, do not think he his dangerous because he’s not. He is caring. I think he saved my life more than he could ever imagine. Mom, I am sorry for what I’ve done, but I missed you so much, Allison and Aiden were dead by my fault. I just wanted to be with you again. Mom, I think I wouldn’t be there anymore if I didn’t met him. ”

_\---_ _[flashback]_ _\---_

_Stiles was staggering in the scales that lead to his bedroom. Allison and Aiden were dead by his fault, because he was weak. The nogitsune made it clear: the weakest of them all, the poor little human without a mom. He was weak. He was alone. He was responsible._

_Stiles found the last Scotch bottle of his dad and drank it. Glasses after glasses,_ and in fine _he directly drunk from the bottle. “Nobody would miss you, Stiles.” He heard in his head. “Nobody would care.” The voice carried on. “You killed your own friends. This is so so wrong Stiles.”_

_“Would you still be alive in a world where nobody wants you?”_

_Stiles went to his bathroom and looked at him in the mirror. “You would be better with your mother. She’s the only one that ever loved you.”_

_“Nobody will ever love you.”_

_Stiles get undressed and entered in the shower where he turned the water on the coldest. “Nobody loves the weak human.” He said to himself, before taking the razor and cut his legs, where other scars already were healing._

_The smell of blood and distress was strong, too strong to Derek’s mind. Something was occurring in Stiles house, but the human had been clear, he wanted to be alone. Something Derek could understand, but here, something was wrong._

_“Stiles?” he called, from the outside._

_No answer. Derek directly broke in Stiles’ bedroom and followed the smell._

_“Stiles? Stiles what are you doing?” he said as soft as he could. “Stiles, give me that razor.”_

_“You can’t understand. You can’t understand.” The human repeated, shaking, screaming and crying. “I killed them. I killed them, and I think I enjoyed it.” He added, punching Derek’s chest with ardour._

_Derek didn’t say anything. He only took Stiles in his arms, and dried him. He cleaned the cuts and soothed him. “You can’t disappear Stiles. You can’t let me alone. I would be so lost.”_

_Stiles fell asleep in Derek’s arms. Derek used his werewolf ability to suck off the pain in order to help the young man. “You’ll never be alone, Stiles, I’ll be there.” He muttered._

_When the human woke up, Derek was watching him, sat on the floor, still holding his hand. Stiles blushed and rolled face against the wall, and muttered: “You shouldn’t be here.”_

_“I am exactly where I am supposed to be.” He said, slowly. “Stiles, look at me.”_

_“Leave me alone.”_

_Derek sighed. “Did you leave when I asked you to, when Boyd died?”_

_“Not the same.”_

_Derek climbed on the bed and searched to connect his eyes to Stiles’. “This is the same situation, Stiles. You can’t destroy yourself like this. The world wouldn’t turn without a Stiles. My world wouldn’t turn.” He said, muttering on the last lines._

_Stiles didn’t say anything after that, he just fell asleep again. Derek left before the sheriff return, cleaning the blood in the bathroom. He left a note, the first one that Stiles will keep that said: “I won’t tell about what happened last night, as you never told anyone for my dirty secret. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. Der-“_

_\---_ _[end of flashback]_ _\---_

\---₪---

When Derek woke up, Stiles wasn’t in bed anymore. It was his birthday; he should still be in bed. Derek searched Stiles in the entire house where he could be, but no trace of the young man.

“You search my Son, Derek?”

“Yes, Sir.” Derek replied, frozen.

“He’s never at home for his birthday. He always goes on his mother’s grave.”

“Alone?”

“Generally.” John answered. “Derek, I have to ask you something that could be misunderstood.”

“Go ahead, Mr. Stilinski.”

The sheriff sighed. “Do you have feelings for my son?”

“What kind of feelings, Sir?”

“Do you love him?” John said, a bit rashly.

Derek looked at Stiles’ father. “I haven’t told him yet. He will be the first one to know what I feel, with your respect.”

The sheriff approached from Derek and looked at him with suspicion. “Will you tell him?”

\---₪---

Stiles closed his eyes and let the wind whisper. “Mom, I got accepted at Columbia.”

“Congratulations, Stiles.” Derek voice said, his heart aching. “I got flowers, for your mother.”

Stiles dried his tears and took the peonies. “Mom, I want to present you someone. This is Derek.”

Derek nodded, in respect. “It is nice to meet you, Ma’am.”

Stiles took Derek hand and kissed him. “How did you know?”

“Your father told me.” Derek replied, stroking Stiles’ hand. “Happy Birthday.”

“You are the best present I could possibly have.” Stiles added, starting to sob again. “Come down.”

Stiles was leaning back against his mother grave, with Derek in his arms. “I got accepted to Columbia, with a full scholarship. It is 2578 miles away from Beacon Hills.” He said, sighing.

“Stiles, would you mind if I didn’t want to join Scott’s pack?”

“What? Why wouldn’t you? Wolves don’t live alone.” **I don’t want to lose you.**

Derek turned round. “It wouldn’t be my pack if you wasn’t in it.” **I don’t want to let you go.**

Stiles leaned to Derek. “What is your pack, then?” **Come closer, please. I need you closer.**

“You are, Stiles.” Derek said, dishevelling his head. “Stiles Stilinski, I think I love you.”

Tears flooded from Stiles’ eyes. “I love you too, Derek Hale.” He rustled before kissing the dark-haired werewolf.

“I don’t want to join Scott’s pack, because I want to leave Beacon Hills with you.”

“But your land, your family, your house, everything you have is here.” Stiles said. “I don’t want to take you away from your roots.”

“If you’re not here, Stiles, nothing is important. You are my root, my anchor. When I came back to Beacon Hills, to avenge Laura, my plan was easy: I was supposed to kill her murderer, and then disappear. But you were here, I met you. I met your son Mrs Stilinski and he gave me hope.”

Stiles jumped on Derek and kissed him with fervour. “Stiles, the best thing about me, it is you. I am broke. I am feral sometimes. I am hurt. But I have you.”

Stiles, still on Derek chest, whispered to _his_ wolf: “Off the records, you’re pretty perfect to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was quite an adventure to us. It is my first publication in English, so that's why it has been co-written with my lovely elder sister that opened the door of the fanfiction world. 
> 
> We hope you liked what you read and don't hesitate to leave your comments!
> 
> Thanks again,  
> Love! (◕‿◕✿) 
> 
> You can find my Tumblr [Here!](http://afterglowsheart.tumblr.com)


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